Shore Throat News: Citizen Spotlight. Feb 22, 2011

Citizen Spotlight: Amanda Pine

Amanda Pine is a relative newcomer to Canker Shores, and currently resides in an apt overlooking South Bay, with her two cats, Ramone and Elbow.
When Amanda is not busy painting abstracts in her apt, she can be found over at Scabby's bakery where she works part time as a counter clerk.
In the 5 short years that Amanda has been in Canker Shores, she has been the undefeated winner of the Mordicia Shankelmaier Klutsy Citizen Award annually.
Originally from the Mid West, Amanda finds the lifestyle in Canker Shores is not so different from that of the small prairie town she hails from.
"Well the smells are different," she says. "Back home, there might be dust in the air, or in the summer you can smell the hay when everybody's cutting and baling. Living where I do now, I can smell the fish processing plant and sometimes the ocean, but mostly the processing plant. Still, every place has it's own smell, and at least here it doesn't smell like Mr. Avidssons Dairy. I like it here. And so do my cats."

When asked about rumours regarding her not-so-secret admirer, Mordie Shankel, she blushed and responded, "Who?"

Shore Throat News: Editor Observation. Tuesday November 16, 2011

Editor Observation: Mordie Gets Walkie-Talkies

Mordie always wanted a set of his own real walkie talkies, ever since he was a child.
Last Tuesday, Mordie was delivering the stacks of bulk newspapers to the businesses in the downtown area, when he saw that the Radio Shack was having a 75% off sale of discontinued items. He paused to pick through the items in the bin, turnd over one oddly shaped package to discover a picture of a walkie talke on the front. He took it in and asked Rod if he would hold it until tomorrow for him. Mordie went back the next day and payed for his merchandise. Mordie went down the block, turned right on Cannery street and proceeded to gleefully tear open the package, discarding the remnants in a nearby garbage can. He clicked on the knob and listend to the sweet readiness of static in his ear. He grabbed the front of his paper cart with one hand and with the other he held the walkie talkie to his ear, listening for another voice.

In his exitement, Mordie made two important mistakes.
The first is that he neglected to examine the packaging further. Had he done so, he would have seen a second walkie talkie unit nestled in its styrofoam cradle beneath the instruction booklet.

The second mistake was that the receptacle he carelessly chose to discard the presumed trash in was the Missionary Barrel out back of the One Way Baptist Church.

Shore Throat News: Dockside Clash Soils Mascot

Tuesday, October 12, 2007

Dockside Clash Soils Mascot

A disturbance was reported down at one of the Fish Processing Plants in the South Bay area of Canker Shores this week.
Apparently a clash between protesters from the Save The Coelaacanth Foundation and plant workers broke out, resulting in the damage of The Foundation's Mascot, "Celia-the-Coelaacanth."
Group Founder, Celia Canthon was engaged in the deployment of the Foundations Mascot in front of the Pier 3 processing facility, passing out educational literature and "challenging" dock workers to go on strike in order to force the plants to return to processing less endangered species of fish. Ms. Canthon positioned her ample mascot at the entrance to the plant, effectively barring the way for employees to enter. Eye witnesses report that she was vocipherously demanding that employees go back home or pick up a sign and join her, while wedged firmly in the entrance. Witnesses also commented that, after some hastily uttered remarks and resulting cat-calls, three workers came forward to lift Ms. Canthon up and set her down beside the entrance. Ms. Canthon lost her footing and slipped from the dock, into the frigid, October water of South Bay, which is where the processing plant releases it's waste by-products. Ms. Canthon was pulled from the gurry-laden waters unharmed, but it appears that the Save The Coelaacanth Foundations Mascot has received a burial at sea.

Shore Throat News, CITIZEN SPOTLIGHT

Wednesday, October 06, 2007

Citizen Spotlight: Mordie Shankel

Mordie is the town paper boy and has been for 23 years.
As an 8 year old entrepreneur, Mordie took it upon himself to organise and carry out the town paper route, using a shopping cart that he rented from the IGA for 10 cents a week. He is still diligently pursuing this career at the age of 31, and he now owns his shopping cart outright. Mordie also operates the town's only snow blower. Each year he runs an ad all winter long, for his snow removal service. While Canker Shores is not given to frequent (or any) snowstorms, Mordie believes that it's always best to be prepared.
Mordie resides with his mother, Alma.

Shore Throat News: Digest Version

Monday, June 07, 2004

Shore Throat News June 7th

TODAYS WEATHER:
The weather in Canker Shores was a chilly 58 degrees with light winds out of the southwest.

BUSINESS NEWS:
Unemployment numbers are down in Canker Shores, due largely to the sudden rise in demand for the rare coelaacanth fish which was recently discovered in large numbers feeding just a 1/4 mile off shore from the tiny tourist town. The Ancient Coelaacanth was previously thought to be extinct. The demand for canned, processed coelaacanth has given new life to the slumping local economy and processing plants have been hiring at an increasing rate since early in the second quarter. This has been both a blessing and a curse to the town of Canker Shores. The prevailing winds generally come out of the southwest, and the recent increase of fish processing activities and subsequent waste by-products, have brought a new pungency to the normally refreshing sea breezes floating into the town. If the current boom in fish product sales continues forecasters predict a poor year for local tourism.


AROUND THE TOWN:

National Holiday Observed:
I have been informed,
by Marv and Willa "Scabby" Gillespie,
owners of Scabby's Bakery, that today is National Donut Day. In honour of the holiday, Scabby's Bakery is giving away free Apple Cinnamon Donutz between 10am and 12noon.

Shocking Crime Spree Hits Canker Shores
In other local news, a crime spree hit the tiny town of Canker Shores, Monday June 7th between the hours of 10am and 12noon. Numerous businesses reported thefts and attempted robberies through out the town. Local business owners reported surprisingly tardy response times from patrolmen. Deputy Dave Hoofner commented briefly stating, "yeah, we'll check it out."
The extent of losses to local business has not yet been determined.

Shore Throat News:Canker Shores Mourns The Death of The Pope

 April 2nd 2005

The town of Canker Shores is mourning the Death of Pope John Paul II at our Lady of Absolute Absolution Catholic Church. The pealing of the Bells was set to commence at noon.
The crowd of worshippers filling the church grew so large, they spilled out into the adjacent parking lot. Father DuPuis was unable to get the electrical system which activates the bells to function properly, due to damage received during a storm last September. Father DuPuis opted instead to climb into his Chevy Impala and blow the horn 84 times, while the congregation prayed. The battery in his Impala began to wear down after a while, sounding weaker as it went. He decided to cut the service short at about 78 honks, secretly hoping that nobody was counting.