Shore Throat News: Fall Begins

The breezes coming in from the ocean carry that old familiar hint of things to come, even though daytime temperatures remain in the upper 70's-80's all of this week. It is as if Autumn is calling out to Summer, waving her hand, saying "Hey! I can see you from here!" Summer turns his back, grumbling. Ignoring.

The kids are back in school, so use a little extra caution when driving in the hours before school and between the hours of 2:00-3:30 pm when school lets out. As an extra precaution, you may wish to avoid the driving anywhere near South Bay High School during the same hours. Students supplied with new drivers licenses and learners permits will be armed with rolling weapons. Between the release of hormones and their dire need to get away from the school...well accidents are bound to happen.

The first high school foot ball game of the year will be an away game. The South Bay "Tuna-Nators" take on the Tillamook "Cheese Makers" friday night September 23rd at 7:00pm.

And as usual at this time of year, the UN.D.I.E.S organization is beginning it's planning meetings in preparation for the season of events and activities. On the agenda for the October 4th meeting is to discuss the venues for this years Fall Harvest Festival, the Turkey Gobbler-O-Rama Auction, and the annual Nativity scene site.

AREA HOUSES OF WORSHIP

PROVIDED BY

U.N.D.I.E.S (UNified Diversity In Evangelical Services) 

The Unified Diversity In Evangelical Services (U.N.D.I.E.S.) is a local organization representing the cooperative activities between all three of Canker Shores Churches:

One Way Baptist Church.
Stoically serving the town of Canker Shores since 1892.
(It is the opinion of this writer that One Way is the appropriate name for this body of believers, as they continue to hold service and activities in the same way as they have for the last 112 years, since the church's humble beginnings in the living room of Elder Simon Bledsoe. To the casual attendee, it would appear that the church's unspoken creed is, "We've never done it that way before, so why change now?")

Our Lady of Absolute Absolution.
Boasting a 24 hour confessional open 12 - 2pm daily, Mon-Fri.
On a seperate note:
The Boy Scout Troop, which formerly met at the Catholic Church, is now meeting in the Recreation Therapy Hall adjacent to the Healing Hearts counseling center.

Ton-o-Tongues Pentacostal Church.
Note: To the pranksters who re-arranged the letters in last weeks "Bar-B-Q Potluck" sign to read "Pre-K Boat Club," stop it. You caused an unnecessary amount of confusion for the
MOPS group. You, who know who you are, should be aware that we (the TRULY spirit filled)
are going to pray for Conviction of Sin, and your subsequent Chatisement.

U.N.D.I.E.S will meet on Tuesday nights, in the Bingo room at Our Lady of Absolute Absolution, beginning Oct 4th, at 7:00pm to discuss the upcoming Fall Harvest Festival, Turkey Gobbler-ama Auction, and the annual Nativity scene site.

Shore Throat News : Area Newsboy Banned from Multi-Plex Theater

  Jim "Zimmy" Zimmerman, reporter

A local newsboy was banned from the Canker Shores Multi-Plex during last nights premiere showing of Steven Spielberg's, JAWS.
The movie was brought to a sudden halt at the
request of facility manager Lester Carbuncle. It seems that Multi-Plex ushers spotted local newspaper boy, Mordie Shankel, consuming food that was clearly smuggled into the Multi-Plex.

"The Multi-Plex's policy is quite clear on this", said Mr. Carbuncle.
"The only food items allowed here,
are those purchased at the snackbar", he went on to say.

When we asked the manager of the single screen facility why the movie was halted, He responded: "Well, after we finally got Mr. Shankel to leave the theater it took some time to extinguish the charcoal in the Hibachi, and then we had to open all the doors to clear out the smoke."

Mr. Shankel is now banned from the Multi-Plex for one year.

Mr. Carbuncle did inform us:
"Next week the Multi-Plex will be premiering a film by George Lucas called, *Star Wars*. And, we invite everyone to come and check it out!"

(Editors note: this article was lost for a number of years, 2005 to be exact. It was written by our own Jim "Zimmy" Zimmerman, aka Aquila, who passed away in 2006. Due to it's antiquated news-worthiness and mostly its sentimental value, it is being published in remembrance.)